Who feels the guilt??

[rubme]

Hi all. I want to know something.Who gets "rooters remorse"?? I am a married guy, 4 young kids, and a wife who wont trust or fuck me, due to being caught out cheating. I was on Adult Match Maker, and gave my number away.Someone rang my number on a Sunday, and my mrs answered the phone.The person on the other end asked for me, and she said I was sleeping. The person then said I am after *&^% from the website. My mrs isnt dumb, and put two and two together, and I was busted.I confessed, showed her my profile etc. and admitted that I had fucked a girl only once from the site (which is totally true). Anyway, she saw all the messages I had sent etc. and I was totally fucked. She didnt leave me, due to being pregnant with our third baby, and due to a sense of staying together for the kids. The bizarre thing is, she fucked my brains out for about two months afterwards, then totally shut up shop. We have not had sex for over a year ( and then only once to bring on labour due to doctors orders) and have absolutely no sex life.She gives me a hand job if I beg, but wont allow me to touch her. She mentions my infidelity on a daily basis.We had benn together for about 17 yrs before we got married, and I cheated 3 yrs in.So my only relief now is through WL's. I usually only go for RnT, but occasionally get FS.The point of this is, I still regeret it the momet I have come.I am wondering, do any of you get this feeling after a punt as well? I am sick of wanking, dont want to leave the marriage due to my kids, but am at the stage where I crave human contact.Sorry to spill my guts to all you people, but I have no where else I can do it.I would never tell any friends what I have done (ruin my marriage) as she never has either. On the face of it, we look like a reasonably happily married couple, but underneath the facade, there is some serious rot.I guess I am asking for some advice.Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Thanks for reading.

[zigzag]

You get over it. The first time i saw hooker i was physically sick straight after. Im in very similar situation but i happily punt maybe once a month. If im see a specially expensive lady, i save up.
Good luck

[hard]

rubme, all fully understandable. You're definitely not alone. One suggestion - given the cheating history and what you've described - if you want the marriage to last, mutual professional counselling may be the only hope. If that's successful it would mean you'd have to stay 'clean' in exchange for your wife's renewed acceptance. If she won't agree to counselling or you can't give up the punts, then the chance of things holding together for the next 20 years for kid's sake is pretty slim - statistically speaking. Could start here Welcome to Relationships Australia but there's plenty around.
Good luck mate.

[Lonestartexan]

rubme, mate you'd be surprised of how many people are in a similar if not same boat as you. From reading your post it seems that you've been cheating from early into your relationship, do you know why/what was your motivation for doing this?
Was the sex with the Mrs regular up until being busted or was it sporadic?
Is punting relatively new and you picked up this as an alternative to cheating? I.e business transaction devoid of real feelings?

The People that I know in similar positions feel guilty that they are spending the money rather than guilty for fucking a stranger.

[rubme]

To all,
I have always cheated. Even when we were just boyfriend/girlfriend I would hook up with different chicks, and still punt (though mainly R&T, which strangely I dont see as cheating.I only consider it cheating if you fuck them) Weird I know. I dont know exactly why I do it.My wife was never "dirty" enough for me.I wanted hard core fucking, and she was R rated.I shouldnt have married her I know, but I loved every other thing about her.Maybe I am just a poor trainer.I have been punting since I first started earning money about 20 yrs ago. I feel guilty about both things, the money and the actual act itself. i am seriously messed up in the head at the moment.Thanks for the replies guys.

[exmelpunter]

Hi Rubme, I can second the fact that you are NOT alone - I would suspect that many of the guys here would be in a marriage/relationship which is without spark - I certainly am- are are sticking around for the kids. I dont get the guilts about sleeping around, I've been doing it for years too, but I do get a bit of remorse knowing that the money could be put to better use. BUT, and this is a big thing, if you didn't punt then it may just push you over the edge, so the whole thing would fall apart. Better to blow a little on a few punts, stay sane and keep the kids than save the money but lose it all in the head. If you are feeling messed up but cant go the councilor route (I couldn't) then i can recommend a superb medical doctor who is also a physcological therapist who basically saved me from losing it. pm me if you want his details, he's based in Surry Hills.

All the best, but you're not alone

emp

[Megan Delaney]

Honestly if you're gunna play away from home, pay for it or you'll cause a world of shit for you and your family. More importantly bring embraassment onto your family ( and your kids dont need to hear you arguing or barbs about cheating) and I am sure you love your kids and don't want that. Pay for play is about making sure no one else knows, nothing can get back tp your family. creeping around AMM is seriously disrepectful unless you know how to cover your tracks very well. Not deleting msg for one is a very clumsy error.

I am sorry your wife is mad but shell probably use it against you for another ten years. Fom what I know of wives it's not so much you cheat but how and who with and the fact it was rubbed in her face so unexpectedly. Put yourself in her position; how would you feel if your wife was banging free randoms and you got a similar phone call? You'd be questioning the paternity of your children and everything.

I have no feelings either way but if you're gunna cheat do it in a way you're respectful to those who are permanently in your life

And if you pay at least youve got more choice lol and chances of getting laid. Somethings you can't be stingy with

[Megan Delaney]

I was going to add pay for play can also bring couples together and some men appreciate their wives more and become me affectionate. it can go either way as others have said. Lots of support here but also lots of root rats who are old hats and can show you the ropes of how to never get caught again,
Because fool me once, here comes the guilt trips, fool me twice here comes a divorce lawyer and with do many kids you're fucked ( excuse the language )

[Megan Delaney]

Hi all. I want to know something.Who gets "rooters remorse"?? I am a married guy, 4 young kids, and a wife who wont trust or fuck me, due to being caught out cheating. I was on Adult Match Maker, and gave my number away.Someone rang my number on a Sunday, and my mThe bizarre thing is, she fucked my brains out for about two months afterwards, then totally shut up shop. We have not had sex for over a year ( and then only once to bring on labour due to doctors orders) and have absolutely no sex life.She gives me a hand job if I beg, but wont allow me to touch her. She mentions my infidelity on a daily basis.We had benn together for about 17 yrs before we got married, and I cheated 3 yrs in.So my only relief now is through WL's. I usually only go for RnT, but occasionally get FS.The point of this is, I still regeret it the momet I have come.I am wondering, do any of you get this feeling after a punt as well? I am sick of wanking, dont want to leave the marriage due to my kids, but am at the stage where I crave human contact.Sorry to spill my guts to all you people, but I have no where else I can do it.I would never tell any friends what I have done (ruin my marriage) as she never has either. On the face of it, we look like a reasonably happily married couple, but underneath the facade, there is some serious rot.I guess I am asking for some advice.Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Thanks for reading.

did you you start seeing other people at the two month mark? Because it sounds like she found out again and switched it off

It's pretty classic for girls to think shit Ive lost my husband and try to be sexy until it dawns on them hey he will always stay and always cheat and they start to resent you.

How about give the kids to the baby sitter go out for dinner hold each others hands. If she's reminding you every day it could be because she feels neglected.

You're doing the ethical thing by punting

[jock2u]

Totaly sympathise with you rubme and as others has stated there will be many guys in the same situation.

Getting the cold shoulder at home wears you down and makes you question why continue living together. I had never strayed, but due to continued arguing, phisical contact was her way of punishment and eventually you give up trying to patch things up.

I then started to use the services of WL and did feel guilty but because i am over 50, feel that time is marching on and dont want to get to the point were i cant get it up, before having experienced some of the delights of the fairer sex.

I counter the guilt as i have provided for all the family without exception and if there is nothing at home, then a little adventure before i drop dead then so be it.

Hang on in there and if you can give yourself a treat now and again and you never you both may have a change of heart otherwise you will both get old , bitter and twisted. I see this coming but hey she has never listened to me so i intend to give life ago while i still can.

[jojo1on1]

Oh look Megan has an opinion and takes 3 posts to vent it.

[rubme]

Thanks guys ( and yes even you Megan, it is good to have a womans opinion, though others here seem to dislike you).I just have so much shit going around in my head, but I cant seem to express it with the written word. I am going to go and have a cigarette and a coffee, and come back with a logical posting.

[Admin]

Oh look Megan has an opinion and takes 3 posts to vent it.

this is getting a little close to being a personal attack on a fellow member (and thus against the rules).

The following goes for everyone.....
if you don't like someones posts either
1. don't read them (and don't comment either)

or

2. use the report post option, then the moderator team will look into it and someone will get back to you with a response

At the end of the day, we are a review forum, so why not punt and post more reviews here and let the forum wars happen elsewhere

[hushabomb15]

There are many thoughts about this. (I'm sure to ruffle feathers and feelings so apologies 1st. Its just a thought being explained).

1) The thought of "Well shit, its sucks to be you, homie. You're the silly bastard who was caught cheating and look what you got yourself into"........

Well, yes you have done it and now its up to her whether she wants you back (she can now divorce you at any time now with all the ammo she needs). Yet you have tried to show remorse and guilt over your actions. So you aren't a complete sociopath, you can feel feelings of some sort.

2) The thought of "Well you're not alone in this. Many men have been or are now in your situation"........

Again, yes they are. There are men who get along with their wives socially yet sexually they are different. It happens. The logical reason is men don't go backwards sexually. You're partner may not be up to you're level sexually. So you look for a partner who is Sort of like drugs, you always look for that high the 1st time you did it and you never get there. Yet its a double edged sword in that getting the sex you like is what you want and look for yet what will you do to get it???

3) The thought of "Fuck this shit. I got caught once and that sucked. I ain't getting caught again"...........

If you read previous posts there are ways to get around this (you will need to search for that using the search engine here, that's up for you to decide). Happy hunting partner.

4) The thought of "I've truly fucked up. I've made a terrible mistake that I can never live down. I love my partner with all my heart and want to make amends"........

For that some D&M's (deep and meaningful talks) with your partner, marriage counselling and/or private counselling will try to solve your problem.

Everyone here has tried to show empathy and solutions (duly noted everyone) yet you and you alone can only solve your problem (if you truly think there is one). So the questions remain and really think about this. 1) Is what I've done a problem? 2) Do I want to solve my problem right now? 3) What steps will I take to solve my problem. (@Rubme has posted his thoughts yet only he has the power to do an action of some sort)

Get some private counselling at least. When you are in a hole with no light at the end of the tunnel, there's no way of telling what you can do. I've been there and its not a good feeling and am still paying for it now (Don't bother asking)

Whatever the case, I hope you solve your problems.

God speed and good luck homes!!!!!!!

[rubme]

Ok.A few ciggies and coffees later, i sort of have my head together.May I just say for starters that I am using this as a confessional, as I have never spoken to a soul about this, and it happened nearly three years ago.It feels enlightening to admit this, and it helps to have some empathy and feedback from you guys.Even though I dont know any of you.I have come to the conclusion that if you do the crime you do the time.My wife hasnt left me yet, and probably wont.I have to cop the shit that she dishes out, as it is well deserved.I am staying in the marriage for the sake of the kids, and have to hide the sadness that I feel for what I have done.I have to put the past behind me, and look to the future.I do agree with EMP's post, and I will probably still go to R&t's for relief, as I still have a need, and I would go mad if I didnt have some human contact from time to time (unless of course she comes back to me in a sexual way).Though I will stop fucking WL's, and just have R&T.In my mind that is not as bad as penetration.Counselling will not happen, as I dont think that I could stand listening to a counsellor trying to shrink my mind, I know my own problems, and have to deal with them in my own way.I will try harder to put myself in her shoes, and try to feel her pain.I feel much better now guys, thanks.There is a light at the end of the tunnel.If I have to wait ten years to regain her trust, and put up with her shit for all that time, so be it.I have come to realise that every action has a consequence, whether it be with someone else or yourself.I am going with Hushabombs 4th thought.So thank you all for your thoughts and support.It is nice to know that there are empathetic people still out there, as I thought that I would cop a barrage of shit over this, but was pleasantly surprised.I also want to thank the people who privately messaged me, you know who you are.